Nuclear energy can power the world or melt it down. The same can be said of fathers.
The truth is, fatherhood is packed with power. Ephesians 3:14–15 tells us such power derives from God Himself: “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every fatherhood in heaven and on earth is named.” Every family is left with His imprint, and every father’s authority comes from the Father above. He has woven it into the fabric of our societal systems.
At a basic theological level, fathers impart an identity to their children. Unfortunately, we read in Scripture that every father imparts an identity that comes from Adam. Every father, without fail, passes on the DNA of sin, and thus every child is an heir of Adam, receiving death himself and passing it on down the line.
At a more personal level, fathers impart a compositional identity to their children. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, children become like their fathers. To be sure, this applies to mothers, too, but it is no coincidence that in Exodus 20:5 God “visits the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and fourth generations.” This is what headship means—a fundamental and final responsibility before God for the state of the household.
So then, which family can stand before the Lord? Not Adam’s. Not Abraham’s. Not David’s. The thrust of the New Testament demonstrates that every person needs a new father. We all need to be reborn and remade in the image of our heavenly Father.
Praise be to God for those in Christ! We have not received the spirit of slavery but the spirit of adoption as sons (Rom. 8:15). When we call God “Father,” we accept a new identity, a new family, and a new way of life.
So then, are natural fathers left impotent, redundant, or unnecessary? By no means! The Scriptures consistently call on natural fathers to be spiritual leaders. Here are four ways that fathers play a unique role in leading the home.
1. Love
In Ephesians 5, we often misread it as if it says, “Wives submit to your husbands; husbands, lead your wives.” But “lead” is not the main action for husbands. “Love” is. Sacrificial love is leadership. This is the preeminent way Christ led His bride—by dying for her. Thus, the husband’s headship centers on his sacrificial love.
This central concern should change the attitude of every household. “Love” gets primacy of place and should be the first goal for all relationships in the home. If love is relegated to a lesser position, or even relinquished altogether, there will be a nuclear explosion. But if love—evidenced in words, attitude, and sacrificial service—permeates the home, spiritual light bulbs turn on. This starts with the dad. When the family hears a father’s love spoken, sees it in his actions, and feels his affectionate attitude daily, the home becomes a powerful force for good.
The head of the home must lead in love. The rest is details.
2. Instruction
One of the recurring expectations for fathers in the Bible is to teach their children. Words should come from Dad’s mouth about God. In my experience, this is one of the hardest commands for dads to follow. Such difficulty may be exactly why the Bible keeps commanding it. Deuteronomy 6, Colossians 3, and Ephesians 6 call fathers to instruct, encourage, and exhort their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Men should talk about God’s attributes, declare His salvation, share their own testimony, detail His providence in everyday life, and more. If a man does not know what to say to his wife or kids about God, he should just open the Bible, read it, close it, and pray out loud for wisdom to apply it. God’s power is made perfect even in our weakest attempts.
3. Discipline
All children need structure, guidance, boundaries, and yes, discipline. A twenty-first century trend is “gentle parenting,” known for a parent’s focus on empathy, kindness, and developmental nuance with respect to parenting methods. The writer of Hebrews would like to have a word. When a child is out of control and acting the fool, someone must step in. That someone should be Dad. Just like our heavenly Father’s discipline, Dad’s discipline brings a little pain in the moment but a peaceful fruit of righteousness later (Heb. 12:11).
The peaceful fruit comes when Dad leads the who, why, and how of discipline. Who: Dad should step in (when available) with assertiveness and not passivity. His voice and his actions should be respected in the home. Why: Dad should lead the family in connecting each moment of discipline to a greater purpose. Demonstrating God’s character, expressing love for others, showing respect for proper authority, developing peace and justice in our surroundings, instilling healthy habits—all of these, and more, are biblical reasons for the behaviors we desire as parents. Every moment of discipline is an opportunity to explain why our little house-world is ordered as it is. How: Dad should demonstrate the kind of love that guides the discipline process. While all discipline is painful in the moment, a parent’s love should cushion the pain for long-term fruit and harmony.
4. Provision and Protection
One of my good friends regularly asks his little boys, “What is your strength for?” The response: “To protect our girls.” This is how young boys should be trained to think. The natural shape of a man’s body is suited for tilling the ground and protecting the tribe. In our modern digitized workforce, this design is more difficult to grasp than previous generations, but look at our counterpart. A woman’s body has a unique ability to bear and care for children. When actualized, someone else must provide and protect because she has more significant things to worry about (like sustaining human life!). And lest we think a man’s job is merely physical, we know that humans thrive when they are protected in every way. A man’s job involves all the home’s needs—basic protection, emotional safety, relational belonging, and future flourishing. While a man’s ground is thorny, the work of tilling is worth it.
When men fulfill these distinct responsibilities, the home burns with incredible spiritual power. But this is where we need to be reminded that nuclear energy is a multiplicative power. It only kindles when a nucleus splits into multiple nuclei, which then continue in a chain reaction of further fissions. The same is true of fatherhood. Fathers pass on their ways in a multiplying effect. Fatherhood is not created anew with each generation. It is always received. The men in the church must commit to being good dads for our sons and daughters, and we must let young singles, dating couples, engaged couples, married couples, and new parents watch our way of life. When we do, a powerful chain reaction will occur, and biblical fatherhood will pass from one generation to another—to the glory of our true Father.
Camdem B. Pulliam | Senior Vice President of Institutional Relations, Assistant Professor of
Christian Studies
Pictured: Kirk Metzger, M.Div. in Biblical Languages, 2022, and his family
